People are sometimes horrible to people they like
It may sound strange, but sometimes bullies are mean to people that they like. They’re so afraid they won’t be liked back, they start to behave badly, almost as a way of showing how little they care, because caring is painful for them (it reminds them they might not be wanted).
It is uncomfortable to want something that you can’t have, so sometimes we reinvent how much we ever wanted the missing element in the first place. When it becomes clear that something — it could be a toy, a friend, a holiday — can never be ours, we re-evaluate how much it means to us. It takes strength to hold on to the idea that something might be precious and yet out of our reach.
Imagine being 9 and entering a class at the start of the year when you notice an extraordinary new pupil: taller than you, with nice eyes, cool clothes and an intelligent smile. They’re one of the most charming people you have ever encountered. They are also out of your league. You might long to become their friend. You might want to share jokes and chit chat, but this kind of attempt could also hurt. So, to reduce the pain, you might decide you do not care. To show you don’t care — to yourself and to the person you like — you become a bit nasty. You try to spoil what you cannot have. You become mean where you would, at one level, have wanted to be sweet. You call them a stuck-up idiot and worse, you organise a group to torment them; you steal their scarf. It sounds odd, but it can happen to us all.
So the next time that you find someone being mysteriously mean to you, without any arrogance, keep one thought in mind: maybe they want to be your friend and they’re just scared you won’t want to be friends with them.
Why do bullies behave badly?
There’re so afraid they won’t be liked back
What are bullies hiding when they pretend they don’t care?
The fear of rejection
What is important to keep in mind the next time you meet a bully?
If they want to be your friend or they’re just scared you won’t be friends with them.
