The Coolest Present Ever!

W.A.L.T:  Write a narrative

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when….

• The title is suitable for the text.

• The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
• The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
• The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
• Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.

In Ako Ngatahi we had to write a narrative about a video. It was about a boy opening a present that was a dog with three legs. Here is the video of the present. I hope you enjoy my story.

The Present

The Coolest Present Ever!

One really hot afternoon I decided to play Xbox 360 when my Mum was at work. I shut the blinds because it was too hot. I had a selection of games in the TV cupboard.

When Mum arrived from work she had a box in her hand. Then Mum put the box in front of me.

“What was inside the box? Was it a new console, a comic? or something else?” I thought.

I was still playing on my Xbox 360, then my Mum had a phone call. My Mum said before answering the phone call “I’ve got a present for you. Open it.” I decided to open the box to see what is inside it?

When I opened the lid of the box a dog barked at me. It had bright yellow skin with a black nose and brown eyes.

I called out “Wow!! Awesome!!” The best present ever!!”

When I picked up the dog I saw that he had a half left leg. I dropped the dog on the ground.

The dog sat up and came to me, I kicked the dog and said “Get lost!”

When the dog was looking upside down he saw a red softy ball under the table. The dog ran and smacked the cupboard door on his head (Smash)! After getting the ball he ran to me with the red ball. I kicked the ball and hit the box that the dog came in and still carried on with my game. The dog ran but fell down on the ground because of his left arm the dog sat up and ran but fell again. He jumped and trapped himself in the box. He tried to find the ball but he couldn’t find the ball instead he smacked the TV cupboard. After getting out of the box the dog couldn’t find the red ball in the box. I laughed. Then I remembered that I had to concentrate on the game. I couldn’t concentrate because the dog was barking and running to get the red ball. When the dog noticed me watching him the dog ran the ball to me with the red ball in his mouth. But fell down, after falling down the dog tried to balance himself to not fall down. The dog dropped the ball in front of me.

“Maybe it’s awesome with friend that has got half a leg like me?” I thought.

I took the ball, got the crutches and put the ball in my pocket.

“Mum we’ll be outside.” I said to my mum.

We played fetch out in the front yard the whole afternoon.