W.A.L.T write a narrative
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when….
- The title is suitable for the text.
- The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
- The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
The resolution explains how the problem was solved. - Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.
The Destroyed Earth
First Draft
Ring, Ring, Ring. The alarm rang in my ear so loud as a three big elephant stomping in my house. Today is the day to go to space, first ring Max to tell that I am dressed up and meet me outside my house, he said to pick me up at 7:00.
But he came 5 minutes early because it was a long way to go to the NASA Space Station. When we reached there it was the time to go to space and finish Max’s Bosses Challenge. This is the day that my dream is going to be true, I can go to space and see the other planets. I took a photo of Max and I because I can’t forget him. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Ka! Boom! Bang!
My seat pulled back so fast that I yelled.
“Help me!”
So loud that Max could hear it. The fast flash pick up speed was terrifying.
“Yes!”
The space capsule was launched. After 8 minutes I reached to the Earth’s atmosphere. The green communication button flashed out and pressed, then I heard a tiny rackle then I heard Max’s Boss's voice.
“Hi (Crr) Ja..ck, good (Crr) lu.ck (Crrr) fo.r y..our t.r.ip.”
(Crrrr). Controlnet disconnected. Error! Error! Boom! Bang! This is my last day of my life, I’m gone! I closed my eyes and slowly opened my eyes and the beautiful thing I have ever seen the Sparkly, Shiney, Stars. I was to be put in comma for 65 years. When chimpanzee’s lifespan is for 50 years.
65 Years later…
I woke up in some blurry vision.
“Where am I? Where is everybody?”
Then I saw that I have been in space for 23725 Days, 22 Hours, 58 Minutes and 37 Seconds in space, so it is 2026! I saw something familiar, my memory is coming back! My home planet Earth.
“I am coming Max!”
The rocket zoomed back to earth, the speedy, zommy rocket. I used the parachute land. Then…
Terra firma!
I was finally landed. Ouch! I fell to the ground so hard as a 7 Kg weight fell on me. Then I saw broken buildings, broken houses and broken trees.
“Why did you do this humans? I think I should rip and throw away this photo.”
Then I heard a voice coming from the demolished building. I ran to level 5 and I saw some Aliens talking in there language. Then one of the Alien saw me listening to their talking.
“Who are you!”
said the Alien in a angry voice.
“I’m Jack the space chimp, where is everybody, where is Max?”
“They are gone, everybody is gone even Max is gone. Now I am the king of the world and you are my servant like the other chimpanzees.”
“W..wh..why did you do this?”
“Why are you asking to much questions like my friend?!”
“Because I miss them. So what can I do?!”
Then he got angry so angry that he pressed the emergency button and called his army to attack him. So I ran so fast as I could, but the Aliens traped me around.
Thwack!!
I felt the sharp arrow shot me on the chest.
“Sorry, Max, Sorry.” It was 4:45 AM. Then I woke up from my bed.
“Wh..ere a.m I?” I was shocked from that dream.
“C'mon Jack, it’s time to go to space.”
“Noooooooo, I don’t want to go to space, it’s horrible.”
